Hey, what’s gucci; my next review is about one of the tracks off the new album “Grateful” from DJ Khaled: Don’t Quit – feat. Calvin Harris, Travis Scott, Jeremih/the album in general.
Peep this before it get’s flagged and you have to manually search for the song I’m reviewing
Listen, I totally see the irony of me writing about a song called “Don’t Quit” when it’s been 2 months in between my posts, but just stay out of my business, okay? I have a lot to say:
ALRIGHT LET’S START WITH THIS SHIT RIGHT HERE. Why is this the cover of “Grateful”!? I’m assuming this is DJ Khaled’s baby, whose name I don’t know. Should I have done more research into this for the overall integrity of my blog as a review platform? Yeah. Almost definitely. But here we are. Look, I get that the album is literally called “Grateful” and that DJ K is just proud and thankful for his admittedly cute son – but holy shit, this is just like a hip-hop/R&B version of that really annoying middle aged woman in your office that is constantly stopping by your cubicle with wallet sized photos of her nephew with a grown-up name like Craig or something making it sound like he should be working in an IT department, not refusing to eat carrots before nap time. Like, DAMN PATRICIA I COULD NOT GIVE A SHIT LESS ABOUT YOUR SOMEHOW SIMULTANEOUSLY YOUNG/OLD-ASS NEPHEW. Also, I’m not sure if it’s Photoshop or not; but that baby is ripped. Little homie has more muscle definition than me after really stressing to try and fold my laundry (I am very weak). What’s most disappointing about this as the album photo is that there is no song called “Baby in a Hot Tub for Some Reason”.
Alright, let’s move on to the specific song in question here; Don’t Quit. My first issue with the track is that in classic DJ Khaled form – he just yells stuff over an average tune/beat to the intro of a song. Well, in Don’t Quit he screams: “Ayo, Calvin Harris – They Ain’t See This One Comin’!” Which is problematic for a few reasons:
- Calvin Harris is his full name; and since is this the second song Calvin Harris has been a part of with DJ Khaled you’d think they’d be on a first name basis by now. That’d be like my mom cooking me dinner and me going “AYO DEBORAH WILSON – THEY AIN’T SEEN SPAGHETTI LIKE THIS COMIN’!”
- After he makes this proclamation; Calvin Harris doesn’t even reply. It’s Travis Scott that goes “Yah!” It’s almost like they were all in the same recording studio, DJ Khaled addressed Calvin Harris, Calvin Harris didn’t actually want to be publicly ousted as part of this weak-ass song so he didn’t reply, then Travis Scott sensing the awkwardness in the room tried to fill the weird lull of silence with autotuning his one word.
- If what DJ Khaled speaks is the truth, in that no one really did indeed see this coming; his PR & promotion team needs to be fired cause they did an awful job of telling people about this song/album.
My second issue with the track lies in another classic DJ Khaled-ism (I’m copyrighting that term as we speak, I will hire a lawyer, don’t use it without my permission) in the number of people on one track. I’m not kidding it took me 15 minutes to figure out who actually released this song when I saw it this morning. Was it DJ Khaled? Calvin Harris? Travis Scott? Jeremih? Also, pause for a sec:
I had to look him up, I just couldn’t believe it. Yeah, I DID mean “Jeremiah”, Google. Because Jeremih isn’t a name – it just looks like you were typing too fast and forgot to add a lettr. (Also, imagine the tourism marketing commercials for a place called “Fucking, Austria”? “Hey, come visit friggin’ Fucking, Austria.” Also, I’m so sorry to the basketball player named Fuck, but I just have too many jokes/not enough time to get into that)
Anyways, the number of people featured on one track is kinda an issue for me as a whole. I feel like one of the songs on the album is just going to be like, “DJ Khaled feat. your grandma, the colour red, & a panda playing a tambourine poorly.” At least that track would have some excitement and a hype beat to it. “Don’t Quit” much like Calvin Harris as a person/DJ, is extremely monotone and unfathomably boring.
Finally, I want to step into some of the lyrics of “Don’t Quit” because they are without question the best part of this song:
I’m not naive enough to think that there will be any decline in blatant/celebrated misogyny in hip-hop/R&B/rap – I’m a feminist and I still jam to a lot of songs that make me feel ashamed inside but hot DAMN they are catchy (except Chris Brown, the scum of this Earth). It’s a personal flaw; I’m working on it. But wow, this is some next level creepy shit, Travis.
This chorus had me rollin’ with laughter. Besides it being really, really simple & dumb; “Put your old jeans on, now they won’t fit” as like a pick up line or compliment is hilarious. I totally get what he’s trying to say, in that being thick is desirable but maybe it’s the phrasing that gets me. “Hey girl, remember how you used to be super adequate and very attractive? Well, I want you put on your old clothes and feel bad about yourself because you’ve grown exponentially in some areas that I enjoy personally, but that you probably wish wouldn’t have happened. You peaked in high school. ayyyyy”
REAL TALK:
Vocals: I actually don’t know; probably trash underneath the autotune – but A freaking PLUS with the autotune.
Musical Skill: Almost none unless you consider just being in one room with like 7 other dudes being a skill.
Production: Not gonna lie; DJ Khaled kills it. He’s genuinely one of the best. “Grateful” has the MOST IMPRESSIVE list of artists on it I think I’ve ever seen.
Lyrics: Just like… awful.
Flow: Decent considering every line sung/spoken ended in DJ Khaled going “LET’S GO”
Number of Times Yelling “WE THE BEST MUSIC” While Simultaneously Not Being Even Close to Being the Best Music: 164 in 3:49, which is 1.39 times per second. Impressive stuff.
Overall:
“Don’t Quit” – Sad Face Emoji/10
“Grateful” – Money Eyes Emoji/10
Unnecessarily Long Music Reviews 